Kyle Wayne

I got to talk to my little brother this morning. Both on the phone and on facebook. He started off our phone conversation by trying to freak me out saying I was going to be late to work (since he could tell I was sleeping). So far away and still manages to be a little ass. Lovable little weirdo.

He said it's getting colder. They got a new chow hall and it has ketchup! I asked if now they don't have to be in that tent anymore. "I'll never not be in a tent"

Then he told me it was really busy. I said "oh you mean a lot of fighting?" "No. It's really busy in the computer lab. I'll get kicked off. That's what really matters." That's my boy. Here are a couple pictures.

Look at that family resemblance!


Smirking as usual. Front and Center.

Mom on Fandango

"I ain't Fandgo-ing nothing. I hate those paper bags!"

Bean Mom

Let me talk about my Mom for a second. My Mom is a fun enthusiast. You might think everyone is, you would be wrong.
Who hates fun? People that like to swim around in misery and act like their lives are harder than everyone else’s. You know the type. That type is not my Mom.
She is always up for ANYTHING. I love it. I hope in 20 years when I’m her age I’m just like that. I guarantee you if she didn’t have something already going on, anything I called and asked her to do with me she would do. She’s fun like that. No matter how silly it is.

Tonight she’s going to see the new movie in what is being called “The Twilight Saga” New Moon. She’s going at midnight with her sister. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! First they are going to the showing of Twilight. “I never saw it in theaters” she told me.

You all know this sort of thing is not for me. This Twilight franchise, but my Mom can do as she pleases. It makes her happy. She loves the books. She loves all of it. Her love of it all both delights me and confuses me. Whatever. Do your thing, Mom! Be a Twihard.

Bean Mom is an inside joke. Kind of. I'm leaving it inside for now.

What You Wish You Drove

Top 5

2 Years ago a free weekly publication asked me to write my Top 5 favorite things about Des Moines. Here it is...

(click to enlarge)



Then about a year after that they asked if I would do it again. Told me that I could do a Top 5 about whatever I wanted. WHATEVER I WANTED!!!

So, obviously, it’s about me and Heath.
Well it went unpublished. Is it because I made fun of one of our local paper’s other free publications? Because I professed our love for Pride parades?
Free weekly publications like wasting my time!

I guess it went unpublished until now. Here it is...



Top 5 Interesting and Awesome Facts about me and my friend Heath

1. We Heart Jeriann Ritter. We have an unyielding love for Jeriann
Ritter. I'm sorry Ed Wilson, but you don't hold a candle to our feisty
meteorologist. She is our Queen Bee. It doesn't even bother us that
much that an email to her went unanswered. She's a busy lady, busy
being awesome. We know she's having a baby and I would like to let her
know that Kasey is a wonderful name, works for a boy or girl.

2. We touch lives! We are constantly helping people improve
themselves. If we ask you to, "Get a hold of your life," "Take a long
hard look in the mirror," or ask, "Who you think you are?" it's like
code for, "Let's use this opportunity to reevaluate the direction
you're heading and make choices that will not only benefit you, but
also your family, friends and society as a whole." You'll thank us for
it later. Also, we live in Des Moines so that makes us highly
accessible for any local residents that want us to figure out their
lives for them. We find ourselves constantly saying, "Look at all the
good we do!"

3. Catch us. Seriously. Somehow we have eluded being caught looking
good by Des Moines Woman magazine. It's a miracle when you think of
all the times we have been out and about looking good. You'll never
catch us! OK, maybe if we spent more time in West Glen you MIGHT catch
us. Yes, we're throwing down the gauntlet. Try to catch us Des Moines
Woman!

4. The Secret! We are really good at keeping secrets. I think we kept
a secret last month for something like 6 days. Tell us your secrets
Des Moines! We promise not to use them in any screenplays or as a
storyline in a book about Bird Flu and bed bugs. Unfortunately, we
can't promise to not use your secrets in the lyrics on any future
albums we may record or just flat out take credit for the secret
ourselves.

5. We love parades. Who doesn't love a parade? If you want to let
people know you're a homosexual, we're all for you marching your gay
ass down the street. If you want people to know you love America,
we'll show up for that one too. In fact, there are very few parades we
won't show up for. Here are a few: the North American Man/Boy Love
Association, Filth Bag Pride or anything that's scheduled when Gossip
Girl is on. Otherwise, we'll come and watch your parade and cheer all
the live long day. For best results, we highly recommend that you
throw candy.

The Ace of Freaking Cakes!

This Saturday we went to the Food+Wine Expo. As a lover of both food and wine I was pretty excited. Mostly I was excited because Duff Goldman from Ace of Cakes was going to be there.

Andrew Zimmern was also there. I used to enjoy his Bizarre Foods show, but you can only watch a person eat so many testicles before it loses it’s magic.

He and Mary Alice were there giving demonstrations. The one we saw was fixing fuck-ups. Apparently Mr. Zimmern had messed up their cake by whacking it with a knife. They were basically just talking and enjoying themselves. Fielding questions, mostly from kids. (And adults that asked questions you’d expect from kids)

They seem just as happy to be doing what they’re doing in real life as they do on the show. Duff is always cracking up about things. He’s an enthusiastic little ball of energy. Must be fun to work with him.

If you watch Ace of Cakes you’ll know that Duff is an avid hater of cupcakes. He decided to take his frustration at the little things out with a hockey stick. Why? Cuz he’s made of fun, that’s why.

So he was lobbing out cupcakes and said he couldn’t slap shot them because they would explode. He “proved” it...there was no explosion. Someone just got nailed with a cupcake. It was awesome. There’s video. It's shaky and may require dramamine to watch, so I won't post it.

Oh and here’s the finished fuck-up fixed cake. Cute as hell. My baking hero.

Doing What Fran Tells Me To Do

Fran has been telling me "Do blip.fm! It's fun! People give you props!" I enjoy props. So I joined.

I've blipped. I've gotten 3 props. Clearly I am master internet DJ!

Let's be honest. People probably aren't going to listen to anything I'm posting here. BUT if any of you wonder what sort of music I like...

Here you go.